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I think I can say that my panic attacks started when I was about 5 or 6 years old.
I would go play outside and, all of sudden had to come back inside with this tight feeling on my chest… my parent would tell me to think about something else and go back and play.
I didn’t know that the feeling would follow me for a long time, plus it got stronger as I grew.
When I was 19 years old, my granddaddy passed away, he taught me the path of love, would hold me tight when I was scared, and on that transition from teenager to adult life, I lost my safe harbour…
I had the gift of courage, and adventured on far away islands, together with my soulmate that I met when I was 16 years old.
Proud of my achievement, but waiting for me on the corner, was this sad angel… He liked me and decided to stay close by…
… Good morning girl… he would say… what a foggy day…
Life didn’t seem so bright anymore, I couldn’t understand why…
A trip to the doctor and a prescription for ant-depressive… but then it came… stronger than ever… anxiety syndrome as doctors like to call it… for me… panic attacks…
Give me my peace back! Why can’t I just walk on the streets and feel normal? Enjoy the sunshine? (Rare in the UK). The beautiful English parks?
It was a internal fight… one part of the brain saying… that is ok, you will be fine. The other part… you are going crazy… look at you!
I was exhausted!
Counselling helps a lot, someone said.
Well I made my counsellor cry! Oh my! It cannot be good.
I stopped the medication; I read a lot, yoga, meditation… yes hahaha it is under control! I did!
Then, one day out of my comfort zone… there I was… breathing in! Breathing out!
Argh…
It has been a life time war… I won some battle and lost others… but after 20 years… I am bloody tired.
My great grandmother was a red Indian… natural medicine always seemed the right choice for me… watching television one day… I saw this program about Ayahuasca journey…
Ayahu what!?
This tea from amazon forest, the natives drink it for years and years. There is lots of research saying that it really helped people with all sorted of problems. It is a sacred tea for the natives.
– Yes right, I never got drunken fearing losing control… (big laugh)…
-But what if I could get rid of my panic attacks?
Ok, I decided to do it, but first let me pay a visit to my psychic to make sure that I am not going to die soon. After all, control was important for me.
Dennis told me that rebirth was on my path…
That is a sign! I am going to do! But will take spare pants… just in case I shi#@ myself.
Plus the tea gives us a shot of DMT in the brain. We produce DMT anyway… therefore… it should be fine…
I packed my courage and went… what else can happen? Dennis told I am not going to die… and panic attacks are part of me anyway…
Here we go…

Let’s go…

 

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